Conflict (Trilogy)

I:

Innocent liar
Good will can be relative
Innocence questioned

II:

He’s so un-thank-full
This anger is not for him
She’s so un-thought-full

My good deeds - not good enough
Nice tries prove irrelevant

These tears and sobs twist
Try to blame him- can’t be you
Quivering she smokes

III:

Tail between her legs
Purposely still charging him
Then her eyes open

Please don’t cause the sabotage
Please don’t slaughter our home

Tears are quiet now
In the shadows, he holds her
They are as they were

Hands hold her wrists – he’s inside
Feeling so full, she whispers:

I only meant to love you
I never meant to hurt you

Map of a Worshipped Man

Black boots lead to firm calves.
Firm calves lead to knees only I can weaken.
These weak knees lead to hard thighs
Hard thighs lead to my lust, my love and two soft cheeks.
Then the small waist and that great back and those beautiful broad shoulders.

Sweet hands lead to mighty arms
Mighty arms - KeepMeSoClose - KeepMeSoSafe.

In front comes that well loved chest and that bite marked neck and that tongue I'd like to swallow.

Above there's that cute crooked nose and those pool blue eyes and that brow I hate to see furrow.

Then those pretty perfect ears
(well, only one hears)

And inside is, a man far beyond his years.

This is my man, he's the only one and
I am his endlessly and forever.

My Retired OKC Profile:

My-Details:

Last Online: Online now!
Join Date: Dec. 24, 2009
Ethnicity: Black
Height: 5' 10" (1.77m).
Body Type: Fit
Smokes: Yes
Drinks: Often
Drugs: Sometimes
Religion: Agnosticism and somewhat serious about it
Sign: Capricorn and it’s fun to think about
Education: Working on college/university
Job: Student
Income: —
Kids: —
Pets: Likes dogs and Dislikes cats
Languages: English
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Self-Summary

***The following profile is void as I am now in a very happy relationship.***

Hi, my name is Valli. It says I have to write more but I don't have anything to add to what's written below.

Never be afraid to ask...

I am Tula, Clementine Kruczynski, and Juliet Hulme


What I’m doing with my life
Right now I'm upstate at school studying fashion merchandising and working on a minor consumer resource management.

UPDATE: I'm currently home for the summer!


I’m really good at
Laughing. Listening. Having fun. Problem Solving. Being a shoulder to cry on. Making it all better. Kissing it all better. Keeping secrets. Crying out of anger instead of sadness. Writing Haikus about boys. Getting into harmless fun and hilarious trouble.

The first things people usually notice about me
How tall I am or maybe my smile... Oh and the faked confidence!

My favorite books, movies, music, and food
Currently Reading: Sick City
Up Next: Choke or American Psycho

The Catcher in the Rye. Of Mice and Men. The Bluest Eye. Beloved. Dangerous Liasons. Hair. Mean Girls. Interview with a Vampire. Threesome.Teen Witch. Romeo+Juliet Florence and the Machine. Bat for Lashes. The Who. Queen. Hot Chip. Sushi. Prince. Rick James. Chipotle. Chinese. Plum Wine.


The six things I could never do without
The laughter of my two best friends.
Sunday mornings spent walking through central park then Sunday afternoons spent getting lost in the Met.
Sex with amazingly beautiful or interesting or profound people.
Screaming "no" but meaning "yes" and the lovers who know the difference.
Foods I've never tried before.
Love or what might actually be mistaken lust but still feels perfect for a little while.

Some others:
Trash and Vaudville, American Apparel, H&M
My terrace
Collars
Sleepy Sundays
Cuddling
Blindfolds
Sunglasses
Diner Hot Chocolate
Bare Hands
Pretty Boys with Large Vocabularies
Pretty Girls with Tear Stained Cheeks
Post Coital Rosey Cheeks and various other double entendres
Root Beer Floats
Sushi
Descriptive Words
Tears
Sexting in full sentences*
Three Hour Phone Calls
White sheets on someone else's bed

*I don't have a cell anymore so I guess I can live without that one...

I spend a lot of time thinking about
My friends, wondering if they're doing ok.
Happiness and how to find or make it.
The things I should regret but have chosen to learn from instead.
What to add to my tattoo - it just feels unfinished...
Also, why every man I meet on this site is from Astoria or a teacher (or both...)
And if the period goes inside or outside the parentheses on that last sentence. I think the ellipsis complicates things...

On a typical Friday night I am
Drinking with my sorority at school or being tied up by my friends at home.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I kinda like it when it hurts...

I’m looking for

* Guys and girls who like bi girls
* Ages 21-30
* Near me
* Who are single
* For new friends

You should message me if
you'd like to...

you think my profile is amazing and you just have to get to know me...
something in my smile is calling to you...
you love adjectives as much as I do...
you love ellipses as much as I do...
you know what an ellipsis is...
you like it when they cry...
you think we have more in common than okcupid says we do...
you're tall enough to make me feel small...
you read this instead of skimming it...

I Miss Your Good Mornings

I miss your good mornings
I lust for good nights
That start with sweet kisses
and end with sweet bites

I love our good times
I learn from our fights
and I hate to say this -
But you're always right

So let's stay together
This rides a delight
You are my anchor
and I am your kite

Montana Man

Sweet sweet quips from left side shifted lips
Strong finger tips pressed between my hips
I dip and slip into you

You want it?
It’s yours.

One room, two floors
Your loft is our hideaway
I feel like I’m high today

You’re still inside me -
Swimming through my veins
It pains me, it’s inane - see
How I feign like I’m sane and keep the ultimate cool

But for you – I’m a fool
Please don’t be cruel
My heart’s like a precious jewel, small, powerful and priceless…

So take care of it
Be fair with it
And I swear to it, I’ll do the same for you.

little stalker girl

You walked in unsure - I knew,
right then I'd want you always

Understated and
Silently so shy - Quiet
And still all too strong

I needed you at once - I -
Selfishly craved your abuse

Months of dreaming of:
Your fingers around my throat
This girl's at your feet

No attempts not to want you
Because I love to want you

Submit? A reflex...
This is what you've made of me
Your little stalker girl

It's harmless, I swear!

Crimson & Rouge

More intimate than sex
Love is more than one expects
It connects and directs aspects of perfect devotion
This cliché emotion usually gets lost in the commotion
Like floating in the ocean I’m moving in slow motion
I give in to the notion of loves potion and the beauty of heart shaped glasses
I bat mascaraed lashes as my mind crashes and becomes a valentine of confettied ashes for you
My heart’s in the destruction too
For you I can’t subdue the crimson and rouge
Like church ladies in their pews I feel from the outside in
Your presence overcomes me and enters through my pores
When you play I surrender to each chord
For lack of better words…
You’re adored

73 inches

I want - I need -
I -
Adore that
Have-to-tip-toe-to-kiss-you-
Kind of small -
Kind of teeny -
Kind of -
Awesome,
Amazing,
Feeling.

We:

Shook:
bloody lips, rope marks, and rugburn to the face.


Phelps:
adoring eyes, difinitive words, and bite marks to the collar.


I:
dazed, attention greed, and sense to the core.

Por Favor

Cuffing and un-cuffing her short shorts-
Running her fingers through the flickering flame of her cigarette lighter-
Chain smoking in the street light’s darkness-

Silently fidgeting she waits for his arrival

Her breath shortens as pairs of foreign head lights enter her peripheral frame
All of them blinding - exciting - all of them

None of them his

She let’s her head fall back and desperately searches for the stars
All of them hidden by layers of light, layers of smog, layers and layers of clouds

Only the white glow of the moon is visible

She makes a wish and opens her eyes

Lowering her head she sees him watching - wanting - needing her

He is... (Revised)

Mine - desperate for touch
Moving in beautiful truths
Kiss me - kiss me please

Collarbone bitten escape
Reading never felt so good

Attractive to fault
Why creators create eyes
Just look - let me look

So good I'm willing to share
Have him - lust him - I do too

Air drums and guitar
Jeans too tight for his junk - and -
my skirt's lock and key

Ostinato

When one cares less, it hurts less
And when it hurts less, there's no stress
But when there's no stress, there's no love

I love him
I'd like to hate him, but I can't

That's a lie

When I care less, I hurt less
And when I hurt less, there's no stress
But when there's no stress, I've no love

I'm falling in love
I'd like to stop it, but I can't

So he'll keep lying, and I'll keep crying
'Cause if I keep crying then I'll keep trying
But if I keep trying, I'll keep sighing

Because I know she'll still be there

So I'll just pretend that I can't comprehend
'Cause if I can't comprehend, she'll stay "just a friend"
And if she's "just a friend," we won't have to end...

But we do...

He is...

Mine - desperate for touch
Moving in beautiful truths
Kiss me - kiss me please

Attractive to fault
Why creators create eyes
Just look - let me look

Air drums and guitar
Jeans too tight for his junk - and -
my skirt's lock and key

Storm

So rise as the tempest
Your dick is the limpest
I need it to fuck and to suck

It may sound obsessive
But I'm just aggressive
Don't like it you're shit out of luck

Don't try to deny it
You know I can ride it
I put other bitches to shame

They call me a slut
I don't give a fuck
'Cause that's my kind of fame

No's not an answer
I grind like a dancer
You know this is what you need

If practice makes perfect
then know that I'm worth it
On guys like you, I feed

Don't be so shy
Just give it a try
Make no attempt to fight

Your friends will be jealous
'Cause they'll never get this
I guess tonight is your night

Sit back and enjoy
You're a man not a boy
So use me as you please

I'll give into my lust
In that you can trust
This girl is not a tease

Don't mistake my intentions
For loves intervention
You're just another lay

Now let's take this home
Where I'll make you moan
Then send you on your way

So rise as the tempest
Your dick is the limpest
I need it to fuck and to suck

It may sound obsessive
But I'm just aggressive
Don't like it you're shit out of luck

They... We

Somehow “they” has become we... I blame myself.

We lie with smiling eyes as we spread our thighs for drunken boys only because their letters match our own.

We put our pussies out on loan.

We fake short breaths and moans to protect fictional thrones they believe six weeks of hell has earned them.

We turn them-
out

Inside we scream and shout as we
project perfection
pretend affection
and fear rejection stemmed from the detection of unique thought.

We are one.

We share skin dyed by artificial sun and blacked-out nights assumed to have been fun

We unite only in our fallacy.

We deny our deviance with utmost obedience.
We contrive fantasies of independence
as we pass down deciet to our decendants.

We walk through the quad unaware that we're the joke.

Surrounded by people we're empty shells.
Each of us trapped in our own personal cells

I didn't know I'd be pledging hell.

At the very beginning you learn to fabricate on comand.
We watch our small purjuries as they expand
I wish I was strong enough to take a stand.

But I can't.

To him...

Lanky Limbs imitate boys in Timbs, not making fun, but appreciating.
Yes, some might find you irritating –

But you fit me just right.

I worship you each night as I fight the urge to call

Maul me.

Eat me alive!

I’ll enjoy it.

I fear that I’ll destroy it…

This feeling you have for me.

I want you times infinity –
and then plus one.

Yes, this is fun for now –
But I think I could do it forever.

The words you use are clever.

They blind me – they
recline me into my imperfect spot on your perfect bed.

I replay the things you’ve said obsessively.
Each syllable fills my chest compressively.

---I’m short of breath---

Digressively,

I love how you fuck so aggressively.

Put me in my place –
And that’s a fearful demand because I’m under your command
and you know it
because I lustfully show it with each visit

“Is this how you want it, Daddy?”
“Is it?”

But, in all actuality, it’s your personality in its totality that keeps me returning.
It’s that constant yearning to feel your warm breath burning my cheek as you whisper something sweet into my ear.

Back to that word fear.

It’s not that I’m a coward or yellow
but it’s hard to stay mellow when you’re addicted to a fellows presence.

It’s your essence that’s appealing.
It’s that glitter on your ceiling.
It’s that comforting feeling when I’m kneeling at your feet.

It’s like my thoughts are on repeat.
A skipping CD in my mind –
It’s just that I never thought that I would find one of my own kind with so little effort

I guess I could get hurt –
but that’s half the fun.

This time I won’t run.

I release control.

I’m Zen in my meditation –
I’m cool in my desperation –

I trust with no hesitation that I’ll keep my reservation in your heart.
Though my location’s been an issue from the start –
I’m an master in the art of Que Sera

So, whatever will be will be
And the last words to you from me are that I’m undoubtedly, uncontrollably, and inconsolably

In like with you.

A poem started at 18 and finished at 21

My head is spinning.

I know that you are winning and it’s killing me to feel the alcoholic poison course through my veins, coat your words and turn them into sugar cane.

I know it’s pessimistic but its truth-

I let myself be blinded by my youth.

Topless and cold I wonder how old you have to be to understand the concept of common courtesy.

Cover me.

This frustration just my murder me-

or take control of me and turn me into something that I don’t want to be.

Its days like these that I hate you.

I want to rip open your chest and infest you
Ingest you from the inside out then digest you.

But its not your fault.

With little contemplation its easy to see this entire situation is just a demonstration-

A manifestation of my destiny,
of my need and my want of a man who is less than me

Admittedly,

A fraction of this distraction is simply a reaction to the obsessive attraction that I have to you...

If you knew the things that I would do to you-

I’m glad you don’t!

I know you can’t be trusted,
I still haven’t adjusted to hating you after you and that girl you thrusted got busted.

But the largest issue of relevance is my intelligence-

At eighteen I should be celibate
But when it comes to you-

Its like I’m selling it.

I wish I could concentrate you
Dilute you with water and penetrate your soul.

Because to be perfectly honest
I don’t like you whole.

I like bits and pieces-
Milliseconds of time when I see you have a heart
When I know we’ll never be apart
And you’ll always want me--
But you still hurt me--

Your ability to mindlessly jerk me around disconcerts me.

You’re an expert in my patterns.

Like a ring around Saturn you confine me-
Like a vulture in the sky you define me as something dead that you can eat

Forgive me for sounding emo but I can’t express the damage you have caused without dark-rimmed glasses and too long bangs.

N to 2 Departure

Whispers in his bedroom:

“I’ll miss you terribly.”
His more quiet than hers, “I’ll miss you too.”

Now in the hall:
“Good night.”
“We’ll speak soon”
“Goodbye.”

Each word said between kisses. Her last landed on his cheek. For an instant she questioned why he’d turned away. Then the door closed behind her.

In her mind, she watched as he locked the door, turned down the hall and walked back to his bedroom. She mentally matched his long strides as she made her way down the street. “1,2,3...” she silently counted their steps in opposite directions, stopping at twelve, the approximate number it would take him to return to his bed. Knowing she was finally out of sight she lit a cigarette. She let the smoke fill her chest and slowly exhaled through her nose. She’d been ignoring this craving during the hours they’d spent together. A sacrifice she was all too used to by now.

She paused at the corner, letting the taste of his pleasure and her menthol seep into her tongue.

Red Light-

She continued walking down the street, letting her sleepy mind wander as her eyes and ears focused in on any impending danger. This was not the first time she’d been alone on a city street in the dead of night. She’d perfected the skill of being both aware and unaware all at once. As she approached the train she worried she wouldn’t be able to finish her cigarette in time. Rushing her last few puffs she closed her eyes, enjoying the familiar and momentary nicotine high.

“This,” she thought, “is what creates addicts.”

Tripping up the first few stairs, the clumsy girl made her way to the turnstile, up more filthy steps and onto the platform. She entered the half opened doors and slid down into an empty seat.

A man followed closely behind her.

She methodically sized him up. She observed dirty white sneakers, jeans-too-tight, a mock turtle neck and a watch-just-a-bit-too gaudy. Would she ever be with a man like him? Was he her type in any shape or form? In less than a minute she played their entire potential relationship in her mind. She saw herself telling their children that their father had stumbled on a subway car right behind her. She looked the man up and down again and concluded that the answer to her questions was no.

Her eyes searched through the other passengers- first the ones that had gotten there before her followed by the ones that rushed onto the train after: All men, as usual, all drunk, or sleepy or fat or old or imperfect in some other sense and all -hopefully- harmless. As she waited for the train to pull out of the station she attempted to will herself awake.

Sleeping on midnight trains is dangerous.

Always ride in the center car.
Find a spot near a group of women.

She replayed her mother’s words in her mind. They slipped through conscious and unconscious thoughts. It was too late. Her almond shaped eyes became thin white lines on her round face, her full bottom lip separated from the top creating a small heart between them and the deep breathing began. She was asleep.

She slept deeply, waking only for the seconds where the train doors opened, exposing her lace covered legs to cold wind and light snow.

To be continued whenever I decide to finish it...