Whispers in his bedroom:
“I’ll miss you terribly.”
His more quiet than hers, “I’ll miss you too.”
Now in the hall:
“Good night.”
“We’ll speak soon”
“Goodbye.”
Each word said between kisses. Her last landed on his cheek. For an instant she questioned why he’d turned away. Then the door closed behind her.
In her mind, she watched as he locked the door, turned down the hall and walked back to his bedroom. She mentally matched his long strides as she made her way down the street. “1,2,3...” she silently counted their steps in opposite directions, stopping at twelve, the approximate number it would take him to return to his bed. Knowing she was finally out of sight she lit a cigarette. She let the smoke fill her chest and slowly exhaled through her nose. She’d been ignoring this craving during the hours they’d spent together. A sacrifice she was all too used to by now.
She paused at the corner, letting the taste of his pleasure and her menthol seep into her tongue.
Red Light-
She continued walking down the street, letting her sleepy mind wander as her eyes and ears focused in on any impending danger. This was not the first time she’d been alone on a city street in the dead of night. She’d perfected the skill of being both aware and unaware all at once. As she approached the train she worried she wouldn’t be able to finish her cigarette in time. Rushing her last few puffs she closed her eyes, enjoying the familiar and momentary nicotine high.
“This,” she thought, “is what creates addicts.”
Tripping up the first few stairs, the clumsy girl made her way to the turnstile, up more filthy steps and onto the platform. She entered the half opened doors and slid down into an empty seat.
A man followed closely behind her.
She methodically sized him up. She observed dirty white sneakers, jeans-too-tight, a mock turtle neck and a watch-just-a-bit-too gaudy. Would she ever be with a man like him? Was he her type in any shape or form? In less than a minute she played their entire potential relationship in her mind. She saw herself telling their children that their father had stumbled on a subway car right behind her. She looked the man up and down again and concluded that the answer to her questions was no.
Her eyes searched through the other passengers- first the ones that had gotten there before her followed by the ones that rushed onto the train after: All men, as usual, all drunk, or sleepy or fat or old or imperfect in some other sense and all -hopefully- harmless. As she waited for the train to pull out of the station she attempted to will herself awake.
Sleeping on midnight trains is dangerous.
“I’ll miss you terribly.”
His more quiet than hers, “I’ll miss you too.”
Now in the hall:
“Good night.”
“We’ll speak soon”
“Goodbye.”
Each word said between kisses. Her last landed on his cheek. For an instant she questioned why he’d turned away. Then the door closed behind her.
In her mind, she watched as he locked the door, turned down the hall and walked back to his bedroom. She mentally matched his long strides as she made her way down the street. “1,2,3...” she silently counted their steps in opposite directions, stopping at twelve, the approximate number it would take him to return to his bed. Knowing she was finally out of sight she lit a cigarette. She let the smoke fill her chest and slowly exhaled through her nose. She’d been ignoring this craving during the hours they’d spent together. A sacrifice she was all too used to by now.
She paused at the corner, letting the taste of his pleasure and her menthol seep into her tongue.
Red Light-
She continued walking down the street, letting her sleepy mind wander as her eyes and ears focused in on any impending danger. This was not the first time she’d been alone on a city street in the dead of night. She’d perfected the skill of being both aware and unaware all at once. As she approached the train she worried she wouldn’t be able to finish her cigarette in time. Rushing her last few puffs she closed her eyes, enjoying the familiar and momentary nicotine high.
“This,” she thought, “is what creates addicts.”
Tripping up the first few stairs, the clumsy girl made her way to the turnstile, up more filthy steps and onto the platform. She entered the half opened doors and slid down into an empty seat.
A man followed closely behind her.
She methodically sized him up. She observed dirty white sneakers, jeans-too-tight, a mock turtle neck and a watch-just-a-bit-too gaudy. Would she ever be with a man like him? Was he her type in any shape or form? In less than a minute she played their entire potential relationship in her mind. She saw herself telling their children that their father had stumbled on a subway car right behind her. She looked the man up and down again and concluded that the answer to her questions was no.
Her eyes searched through the other passengers- first the ones that had gotten there before her followed by the ones that rushed onto the train after: All men, as usual, all drunk, or sleepy or fat or old or imperfect in some other sense and all -hopefully- harmless. As she waited for the train to pull out of the station she attempted to will herself awake.
Sleeping on midnight trains is dangerous.
Always ride in the center car.
Find a spot near a group of women.
She replayed her mother’s words in her mind. They slipped through conscious and unconscious thoughts. It was too late. Her almond shaped eyes became thin white lines on her round face, her full bottom lip separated from the top creating a small heart between them and the deep breathing began. She was asleep.
She slept deeply, waking only for the seconds where the train doors opened, exposing her lace covered legs to cold wind and light snow.
To be continued whenever I decide to finish it...
Find a spot near a group of women.
She replayed her mother’s words in her mind. They slipped through conscious and unconscious thoughts. It was too late. Her almond shaped eyes became thin white lines on her round face, her full bottom lip separated from the top creating a small heart between them and the deep breathing began. She was asleep.
She slept deeply, waking only for the seconds where the train doors opened, exposing her lace covered legs to cold wind and light snow.
To be continued whenever I decide to finish it...
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